I have three children. I love my kiddos with all my heart and cannot imagine life without them. I've been a parent for 12 years now so I certainly know it isn't without its trials and difficulties. There are many days when I feel tired, frustrated, stretched to my limit, pushed to the edge or however you want to describe it. Despite all of these feelings, one thing is certain: My children are a blessing, no matter what.
Over the years I have been bothered by the fact that a lot of mothers talk about their children in negative ways. I have heard so many comments from moms who, quite frankly, act as if they regret having children. This may not be the case, they may not regret it, but it sure seems that way. I hear things like, "Who wants my child?", "Someone get these/this children before I strangle them!", "My children are so annoying!". I've even heard things like, "I'd rather walk through hell than be around this kid today!" I'll be honest, when I hear these statements, I cringe. I cannot help it, I simply cannot imagine talking about my own children in such a way. I'll give you a few reasons why I think this is not only wrong but can actually contribute to behavior and self-esteem issues.
I went through a period in my life when I had a very low opinion of my self. Believe it or not, I believe this is in large part because I was married to a man who had a very low opinion of me. He said things about me and to me for so long that I began to believe them and eventual even began to exhibit behavior consistent with them. This being the case, I can speak from experience. I'm sure at times he thought it harmless and he would never admit the toll it took on me. I was able to work past these issue but not without serious counseling and prayer. I honestly believe that saying negative things about our children can not only contribute to negative behavior but can also set an expectation for nothing but the said behavior. If we think our kids are bad, they will be.
As parents, I believe it is our responsibility to build up and encourage our children, ensuring they have a healthy level of self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe we should make a big deal out of everything or encourage the celebration of mediocrity but in our efforts to discipline, we should never insult or demean our children. For a long time my son's father had a bad habit of asking our son, "What is wrong with you?". Usually this was done in the midst of anger or frustration. I realized this when, after a rough day at school, I asked my son why he thought he was having such difficulty, if he could give me a reason, to which he replied, "There's something wrong with me." I asked him where that came from and he said his dad was always asking what was wrong with him. This is a great example of negative reinforcement. When my son thought there was "something" wrong him it became his reason behind his misbehavior.
Not only do our children respond to this negativity but we, as parents, do as well. If I have decided my children are annoying or too much to handle then the little, childish behaviors that can be easily corrected become further examples of their problems. If a mother has decided she has a whiny toddler she will ignore his cries of pain when she puts him on the hot pavement barefoot, rolling her eyes and complaining to her friends. (Yes, that one actually happened.) I could give many more examples but we don't have all day so I'll move on.
Children are a blessing, period, end of sentence. Like snowflakes or fingerprints, no two are the same. I believe God designs them that way so we can learn from them as well. If my children are always perfect and well behaved, I may become prideful. If they never disobey, I may never become more patient. If they always sleep in, I may never become the morning person I need to be to take care of my husband and home. Whatever their personalities, each one is a precious gift from God. It is our responsibility to teach them what is right and wrong and to keep them from killing each other ;-)
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